Anecdotes 1 to 20

Anecdotes 1 to 20

In the name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate

Anecdote 1

A moneylender, rich from his cradle, was caught in the twists and turns of fortune, lost all his wealth, and began to suffer utter misery and go hungry. At last the thought came into his heart: "If I go to some great soul or *siddh* (a holy man with spiritual powers), this sorrow may end. For I have heard that the sight of a holy man takes away affliction." Thinking this, he went on and on until he came to a *jogi*. He had not yet managed to say anything to him when the *jogi*, learning his purpose by his yogic power, said this *doha* (a Hindi couplet):

"Pleasure and pain go with us every day; no one can wipe them out,
Just as the shadow of the body can never be parted from it."

Getting this sensible answer, the poor man took patience and went home.

Anecdote 2

A blind *bairagi* (a Hindu ascetic) was sitting at the Manikarnika *ghat* (the bathing steps on the river) in Kashi [TN: Banaras], eating curds and sweet cakes during an eclipse, when a pandit saw him and asked, "Surdas ji, what are you doing?" [TN: Surdas, the name of the blind poet-saint, is a polite way of addressing any blind man.] He said, "Maharaj, I am eating curds and cakes." He said, "During an eclipse?" [TN: eating during an eclipse is forbidden.] He answered, "Baba, by my guru's grace it is always an eclipse for me." Hearing this the pandit laughed and was silent.

Anecdote 3

A certain Rajput used to eat a great deal of opium. It happened that he had to travel, and he stopped for the night at a certain halting place. The people of the place came and said to him, "Thakur Sahib, there is a lot of theft here. Be on your guard." Hearing this he spent the night awake, but he kept it in his mind that there was a lot of theft.

As soon as it was dawn he got on his horse's back and was going along through a town, when suddenly he started out of his opium stupor and cried, "Hey, Ramchera! Hey, Ramchera! Where is the horse?" He said, "Maharaj, you are riding along on the horse; what horse do you mean?" He said, "Son, never mind about that; but it is good to stay alert."

Anecdote 4

A *bania* (a shopkeeper of the trading caste) had gone somewhere. When he came back after two or three days, he found the door of his house shut. He called, "Open the door!" From inside his wife answered, "I'm opening it, *baba* (father)." Hearing this he said, "You widow! What are you babbling?" She said, "My eye hurts." He said, "About the eye, that's true, *maiya* (mother)." [TN: the joke turns on the forms of address: she calls her husband "father", and he answers by calling her "mother".]

Anecdote 5

In a certain settlement of Pathans there was a mullah. Whenever they had any business of *fatiha* and blessings [TN: prayers recited for the dead], they would call him and have it done. Now when *Shab-e-Barat* came [TN: the night of the fifteenth of Sha'ban, when prayers are said for the dead], he was sent for from every house. Then some acquaintance of his asked, "Tell me, friend, what will you do alone today, and how will you recite the *fatiha* from house to house?" He said, "Brother, what have I to do with reciting the *fatiha*? Whether the dead man goes to hell or to heaven, my business is with my *halwa* and my bread."

Anecdote 6

Someone asked a wise man, "Maharaj, how can a man, once born into the world, be free of sorrow? Be kind and tell me." He did not give him an answer, but recited this *doha*:

"What fate has measured out must be borne, by the wise man and the fool alike;
The wise man bears it with understanding, the fool bears it weeping."

Anecdote 7

Two *kalawants* (professional singers) were coming back to Delhi from the Deccan with their earnings when on the way raiders fell on them and, raising their spears and lances, began to shout "*Mar, mar! Dal, dal!*" ("Kill, kill! Throw, throw!"). At that the two of them jumped down from the cart, got straight onto a pony, and began to ask them, "Bless you, do you know nothing but 'kill, kill, throw, throw'? Have you never played *chaupar*? Is a pair ever killed?" One of them said, "Why?" [TN: in *chaupar*, a board game played with dice or cowries, "kill" and "throw" are calls of the game, and two pieces standing together on one square, a pair, cannot be taken.] The raiders were very pleased with this jest, did not rob them, and went away laughing.

Anecdote 8

In a certain temple a number of amateur singers were sitting at their ease singing, and many people stood listening. Meanwhile a brazen *bairagi* came, took the *tambura* (a drone lute) from their hands, sat down in the middle of them all, and began to sing out of tune. Hearing his racket everyone was dismayed, but no one said anything. At last a Chaube [TN: a Brahmin of Mathura] who was standing listening said, "Baba ji, enough, enough! You have sung a great deal." The *bairagi* answered irritably, "Maharaj, I am pleasing my Thakur [TN: his god]. What does it matter whether anyone else is pleased or not?" The Chaube said, "Rascal, you haven't even managed to please me." He said, "Is your Thakur duller even than I am, that you think you will please him?" Hearing this the *bairagi* was ashamed, got up quietly and went away.

Anecdote 9

A number of young noblemen had fixed a peg in the ground somewhere, put a rupee on it, and were shooting arrows at it, on the terms that whoever knocked off the rupee should have it. It happened that a dervish came to them there and begged, "Baba, give something in the name of the Lord." One of them laughed and said, "Shah Sahib, hit the mark and take the rupee." The faqir at once took the bow and arrow from his hand, cried "O Lord!" and let fly at random, and the rupee flew off. They said, "Bravo!" He ran and picked up the rupee and said, "Well, *baba*?" The faqir got no answer. One of them said, "Sain, you have taken the rupee; now what are you saying?" He said, "*Baba*, this I took by hitting the peg. The faqir's request is still outstanding."

Anecdote 10

A preacher was preaching to a number of men in a village. Meanwhile a rustic came and sat there too, and, gazing at his face, began to weep uncontrollably. Seeing him weep, everyone thought, "This is some very tender-hearted man, to weep so much." One of them asked him, "Brother, tell the truth: what has come into your heart, that you weep so much?" Pointing at the preacher with his finger, he said, "Seeing this gentleman's beard wag, I remembered my dear goat that died, for every now and then his beard used to wag just like this; that is why I am weeping." Hearing this everyone burst out laughing, and the preacher, ashamed, held his peace.

Anecdote 11

There was a very rich man, but he had no son. He made a great many efforts for a son and spent money, but none was born. Then, giving up, he adopted a poor boy and made him master of all his goods and wealth. Some days later he died. As soon as the boy got that wealth he began to squander it recklessly and go to the bad. Seeing his ways, someone asked another, "What is the reason that he went crazy as soon as he got wealth?" In answer he recited this *doha*:

"Gold has a hundred times more madness in it than *kanak*;
One must eat that to go mad, but this one need only get." [TN: a pun on *kanak*, which means both gold and the datura plant, whose seeds cause madness.]

Anecdote 12

The Chaubes of Mathura are great jokers. One day a Chaube bought a big *baingan* (aubergine) in the bazaar and brought it home. Seeing it, his wife asked, "Shall I make a *bharta*?" He said, "What fault have you found in me?" She answered, "People call you a *joshi* (an astrologer)." Hearing this the Chaube had no answer. [TN: *bharta* is a dish of mashed aubergine, and also sounds like *bharta*, "husband"; she seems to ask "Shall I take a husband?" The point of the last reply is not clear.]

Anecdote 13

There were two *kalawants* named Lad and Kapur at Akbar's court. The emperor often joked with them, and this had made them bold too. One day the emperor said to one of them, "*Gao!*" (sing!). He said, "No, Refuge of the World, a bull." [TN: *gao* also means "cow".] Then His Majesty said, "Oh, say something! (*Kuchh bol!*)" He answered, "*Mol* (the price) is twenty rupees." Then the emperor said, "What a *haramzada* (bastard) he is!" He said, "If it were *haram* (unlawful), I wouldn't take a cowrie for it." As soon as he heard this, the emperor grew angry and said to them, "If you stay in my country I shall deal with you harshly," and had them put out of the fort. In fear they would go out of the city by day to a village two or four *kos* away and come back at night. In this way every evening they came, and went away two *gharis* before dawn.

It happened one day that they were going out this way, and the emperor was coming that way on horseback from hunting. Seeing him from afar, they climbed up a tall banyan tree, and he too spurred his horse and stopped it under that same tree, recognised them and said, "Well, you rascals! Did I not tell you not to stay in my country?" They answered, "Bless you, we went round every country, and wherever we looked we saw only your country. So we gave up and have now taken the road to the sky." Pleased with this jest, the emperor pardoned their fault and restored them to their posts.

Anecdote 14

A greengrocer woman, at the age of forty, after longing and longing, had a daughter. Out of great love and fondness she named her Fazihati [TN: "Disgrace"; a name given to ward off the evil eye]. As fate would have it, at two or three years old the child died. In grief for her she would weep every evening and morning, calling her name. One day she was weeping, crying "Alas, my Fazihati! Alas, my Fazihati!", when her husband came in and began to console her: "Listen, good woman! If you and I live on and God is kind, why weep for one Fazihati? There will be plenty more fazihati (disgrace)."

Anecdote 15

A Kayasth [TN: a member of the writer caste], a poor horseman, was riding along through the bazaar. A good rider, seeing him sitting back even behind the crupper, said, "Brother, move forward a little." He said, "Why?" He said, "The saddle is empty." Then he answered, "Shall we move forward just because you say so? As the groom put us on, so we are riding along."

Anecdote 16

A *bania* would give away every day, to the poor and the hungry and thirsty, whatever he earned, and himself remained carefree and penniless. One day his elder brother sat him down before four or five neighbours and said to him, "Brother, we are merchants. We ought to keep capital and do business. If we give in this way, without rhyme or reason, how will our trade go on?" He answered, "Brother, have you not even heard this *doha*, that you say such a thing?

"Giving is above all things beyond compare; let everyone give;
What is laid by at home is not found; what is given with the hand is found."

Anecdote 17

A bad-tempered blind man was going somewhere when he fell into a dry well and began to call, "Come, run, people! I have fallen into the well." The people took pity, ran there, stood at the well's mouth and began to try to get him out. When some time had gone by, he called up angrily from inside, "If you're going to get me out quickly, get me out; otherwise I'll go off somewhere, and then you won't find me."

Anecdote 18

A jester had come to sit with some great man, and at his house some *gur* (raw sugar) had arrived from somewhere. He said wittily, "My lord, in my whole life I have eaten *gur* three times." He said, "Tell me." He said, "Once I ate it in the birth draught on the day of the *chhathi* (the rite on the sixth day after birth), once when my ears were pierced, and once I shall eat it today." He said, "And if I don't give it?" He said, "Then let it be only twice."

Anecdote 19

Four or five *posti*s [TN: drinkers of *post*, a drink made from poppy heads] were sitting in a house telling tall stories, when, as one of them had his cup mixed and ready, he said, "A *posti* drank his *post* and in nine days he went two and a half *kos*." Hearing this someone else spoke up: "That can't have been a *posti*; it must have been some courier. When a *posti* drinks his *post*, he is either on this side of the bowl or on that, and if he finds room in between, he makes his halt right there."

Anecdote 20

Two friends went out together for a stroll and, walking along, reached the bank of a river. Then one said to the other, "Brother, if you will stand here, I will quickly take a dip." He said, "Very well." With this he handed him twenty rupees, put his clothes on the bank, and as he sat down in the water, the other cleverly sent the rupees off to his own house by someone's hand. He came out, put on his clothes and asked for the rupees. The other said, "Hear the account." He said, "It isn't even a moment since I gave them; what account?" In short, a quarrel began between them, and a hundred or fifty people gathered round. One of them said to the owner of the rupees, "Sir, why do you quarrel? Why don't you hear the account?" Giving in, he said, "Very well, tell it." The other said, "When you dived, I thought you had drowned. I gave five rupees and sent word to your house. And when you came out, I gave another five rupees in alms for joy. The remaining five, those I have sent to my own house. If you have any doubt about them, have me write you a bond." Hearing this barefaced talk, the poor man said, "Very well, sir, I have been paid in full!"