Birth, Betrothal and Marriage

Birth, Betrothal and Marriage

In the name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate

*Bua* (sister) Miss Fletcher! What good will you get from reading my story? You will taste sorrow and grief, hurt your own heart and take no pleasure in it. But if you insist, then here you are! I am writing down my life for you from beginning to end. Read it with care, and do not lose heart.

The Date of My Birth

I, ill-starred one, was born on the fifth of Rabi' al-Thani 1264 AH [TN: March 1848]. My father, the late Nawab Muhammad Akbar Ali Khan Sahib, ruler of Pataudi, was overjoyed at my birth. At once an order went to the artillery that salvos of rejoicing should be fired. The guns began to boom, and on every side rose the noise of congratulations. My grandmother said to my father, "My son, you are rejoicing at the birth of a girl as one rejoices at the birth of a son." My father answered, "Dear mother, I am so glad at the birth of this daughter that I would not be so glad at the birth of seven sons." There, *bua*! All this pomp and celebration was going on when...

The Ruler of Jhajjar Arrives

As it happened, that same day Nawab Abdur Rahman Sahib, ruler of Jhajjar, also arrived in Pataudi. He came into the inner palace. Hearing the noise of congratulations he asked, "What is the rejoicing about today?" My grandmother answered, "My son, a granddaughter has been born to me today." On hearing this the Nawab Sahib said, "Bring the girl, let me see her too." Seeing unlucky me, he quickly took me up on his lap, kissed me, and said to my father, "Grandfather [TN: a term of affection], I have taken this girl." Saying this, he had sugar candy brought at once and put it in my mouth as my first taste [TN: *ghutti*, the first thing given to a newborn].

The Betrothal Is Settled

And he said, "I betroth her to my son Muhammad Nur Ali Khan." No sooner had the Nawab Sahib said this than the wedding music began to play. There was great excitement. The good news reached every house. Ladies began to arrive from every palace; carriage after carriage set down its passengers. Gatherings of rejoicing were held; there was dancing and music. Rewards began to be given out to the minstrels, singers, maids and well-born attendants. This was my lot: born in one Nawab's house, I was betrothed as the daughter-in-law of another. Now my wet-nurse, my nurse, my *chhochhu* and my *mani* [TN: household women who cared for a child] began to carry me in their arms and say, "God bless her!"

The Ladies Exchange Hints

The ladies who had come from the other palaces dropped hints to one another. One said, "Dear, look what a lucky girl has been born! As soon as she is born she becomes the Nawab Sahib's daughter-in-law." Another said, "Yes, *bua*, after all she was born in the Nawab Sahib's own house. Her good fortune is plain." Someone said, "Dear, just look: our Nawab Sahib, God keep them, has other children too. She has other brothers and sisters as well; was any of them born so lucky?" Another would answer, "*Bua*, each one's fortune goes with each one." In short, some were sour with envy, some laughed with pleasure. On the seventh day after my birth the *aqiqa* (the naming ceremony with a sacrifice) was held according to custom. I was named Shahr Bano Begum. Until the great fortieth day [TN: the end of the forty days of confinement] there was much bustle; every day was Eid and every night *Shab-e-Barat*. On this occasion the Nawab Sahib gave the sixth-day presents with great pomp, and fixed a hundred rupees a month for my nursing.

The Betrothal Ceremony

On the same day the betrothal ceremony too was performed with great splendour. After that, on every festival there were customary exchanges of gifts. Today it is the Eid gift that arrives; tomorrow the Muharram sweets and gold lace come; then the fireworks of *Shab-e-Barat*. In this way thousands of rupees were spent on both sides. These affairs went on until the wedding day.

The Wedding

When I was five years old, the Nawab Sahib sent my father the proposal for the wedding. Preparations for the marriage began on both sides. Well, *bua*, what can one say of the Nawab Sahib? He was the master of twelve districts. He spent two or two and a half lakh rupees [TN: a *lakh* is a hundred thousand] on this wedding. Two months before, he held gatherings of dancing and music in his house. He feasted the whole city of Jhajjar and all his army. He gathered the chiefs and nobles of Delhi and the country round. When three days were left before the marriage, he came to Pataudi with the wedding procession in great state.

The Wedding Procession Comes to Pataudi

A battalion of infantry and five hundred horsemen, a battery of artillery, carriages, state horses, elephants, *raths* (covered carriages), all the chiefs and nobles of Delhi and around, hundreds of onlookers, pipers, drummers, a hundred or a hundred and fifty troupes of dancers, scores of shopkeepers: with all this throng in tow they came and halted two miles from Pataudi, where the camping ground is. And from the camp to the fort he had a double row of lattices put up. I have heard that all night they were so lit with lamps that they put the daylight to shame. Though my father was the master of only a small state, even so he spent a lakh or a lakh and a quarter of rupees on my wedding. For three days he feasted all his army and the nobles, chiefs and guests. He gave the Hindus *puris*, *kachauris* and sweets; the Muslims he fed *pulao*, *zarda*, *mutanjan* and all kinds of dishes. Well, here these festivities were going on.

The Bride Goes to See the Sachaq

Now hear my state. I, wretched little thing of five, what did I know of what a marriage contract is called or what a wedding is? *Bua*, when the *sachaq* [TN: the procession bringing the bridegroom's gifts to the bride] came, and I heard the noise of the bands and the roar of the guns, I jumped down from the bed without thinking and quickly threw my arms round my grandmother's neck: "Dear Granny! We want to see the wedding procession too!" No sooner had I said this than all the women burst out laughing and came and surrounded me from every side. My wet-nurse, nurse, *mani* and *chhochhu* began to say, "Oh, my lady! We would give our lives for you, but does anyone do such a thing? When the in-laws' ladies alight, what will they say on seeing that the bride herself is watching the *sachaq*? It is a great shame." But, *bua*, I did not listen to a word. I began to drum my heels and set up such a crying that I brought the house down. I made everyone lose their wits. At last my grandmother said, "God, what an obstinate child! Such a little thing, and she has made us all dance. O people, how can I take her up to see the show at this hour? At dusk, too, her mother's only child. Oh, where is her mother? Call her." But I wailed and sobbed until I had made her give in. At last she drew the end of her scarf over me and went straight up to the roof with me. She herself stood behind a screen and put half my face out. Then I watched the *sachaq* to my heart's content. Poor Granny was old and soon tired. She quickly brought me down. She was out of breath, gasping; she was in a strange state. Seeing her, people began to say, "God save her!" Just then my mother came in front of us too. Seeing it she said, "Girl, a curse on your ways! Look what a state your grandmother is in." She was saying this when the in-laws' ladies came jingling down from their carriages. Well, the *sachaq* ceremony was performed. At half past midnight my father sent the henna [TN: *mehndi*, the henna ceremony] with great splendour. The next day the wedding procession came with great pomp.

The Date of the Marriage

On the 24th of Jumada al-Awwal 1269 AH [TN: March 1853], after the morning prayer, my marriage contract was made, and the *mahr* (the dower settled on the bride) was fixed at one lakh twenty-five thousand rupees. The *qazi* was given two hundred and fifty rupees in cash and a shawl for reading the marriage service. The jesters of Delhi were given a hundred and twenty-five rupees and a shawl as a reward. Thousands of rupees were distributed to the rest of the household. By noon the preparations for my departure were made. My father had given a dowry worth about sixty or seventy thousand rupees. What was there not? There was everything. A hundred and fifty cauldrons of food were sent along with the return gifts.

The Wedding Procession Departs

*Bua*! When I left, there was such lamentation in the palace that people wept till they choked with sobs, and above all my mother's restlessness and my grandmother's laments broke one's heart to pieces. And from the palace through the whole fort there was such a silence that it seemed, God forbid, may the devil's ears be deaf, as if someone from far away had come and plundered it. They took me and set me down in the tents. In the evening the *chauthi* ceremony [TN: the fourth-day rite after a wedding] was performed.

The Procession Reaches Jhajjar

The next day I left Pataudi in the last watch of the night and at ten in the morning came near Jhajjar. We were two miles from the city when thousands of onlookers gathered along the road. The Nawab Sahib's whole army had come out to receive the procession and stood gathered along the road. When we came near this crowd, the Nawab Sahib got down from his carriage, mounted an elephant, and began to scatter *ashrafis* (gold coins) over my palanquin. He went on scattering *ashrafis* all the way to the gate of the fort. They say that the Nawab Sahib showered several hundred *ashrafis* over my palanquin that day. When I reached the gate of the fort, the regimental bands began to play and the salutes began to thunder, boom, boom.

A verse:

That roar rose from the drums
that makes the heart tingle long after one hears it;
the kettle-drums cracked and the great drums beat, dhoon, dhoon;
the cannon cracked at the salute, dhan, dhan.

When I came inside the fort, cries of congratulation came from every side. In short, with great pomp and state I was taken and set down in the palace. Then whatever rites and customs are performed there were performed. And from that day the Nawab Sahib fixed five hundred rupees a month for my expenses under the name of "betel-box money". I stayed there two days, then came back to my parents' home. After that the *chala* ceremonies [TN: the bride's ritual visits back and forth between the two homes] took place. When all four *chalas* were over, the custom was settled that whenever I went to my in-laws, my mother would go with me. This informality was because my father was related to the Nawab Sahib already and the bond between them was very close. So I would stay two or three days and then come back to my parents. When I came here I would play with my playmates and friends. For two or three hours I also studied with my *ustani-ji* (governess). As soon as I had learned my lesson I would quickly recite it to her, and I was let off. Then the play began. Now the little frying pan is on the fire, now something else; the toy pots and pans are cooking. Now there is the fuss of a dolls' wedding, now a crowd of the neighbours' girls at a game. In short, day and night passed in pleasure; grief did not come near me. *Bua*! First, I was a child of tender age; second, I was my mother's only child, the darling of my parents; third, I was born in a noble's house and married into a noble's house. I spent eight years of my life in nothing but play. Then I do not know what wretched witch's evil eye struck me, what hag's ill glance took effect, but all my pleasure and play were paid for in full. Hardly had my ninth year begun when a cannon-ball of calamity fell.